Monday, November 24, 2008

Everything I learned from inmates

So your getting a two for one deal. Basically I thought I should explain a thought in my last blog. Everything I learned in corrections I learned from inmates. It's true to a point, especially in corrections, but I did learn a lot from great experienced staff members. But I also learned a lot of great life lessons from offenders.
In corrections that are a lot of processes and policies that a correctional professional such as myself is governed by. There are proecesses for everything from getting a new pair of underware to how to address an envelop. One of the first processes I learned from an offender was how to process, and document legal mail. The offender was kind enough to tell me where the log book was kept, what key to use to unlock the filing cabinet that the logbook was kept in and exactly how to document the event. Another valuable tip that I learned from inmates was that cooking methamphetamines in your house with your children and your wife is apparently bad for you and could get you thrown in prison. Apparently, a lot of them are coming to this realization. I also learned that you can defraud that welfare system by divorcing your wife, but still live with her. Suprisingly your don't have to pay child support, but still have more rights then I do to see your children.
I learned a lot of house cleaning tips too. For instance, your need to take a shower everyday because your get smelly. If you get smelly enough your cellmate, or celly, does not like you very much and eventually people may beat you up. Accordingly if you stick towels in your toilet and flush it a lot of times it will flood your cell. You flood your cell the emergency response team will come. If the emergency response team comes one of two things are going to happen. Your are either going to be sprayed with pepper spray until you come to the cuff port and are put in hand cuffs, or the emergency response team will come in and place you in cuffs.
Needless to say I am being sarcastic. But, writing this blog makes me feel better about my career and lets me know that I have the best job in the world. Everyday is a new adventure with simple life lessons. I am just happy that so many idiots are in one place.

Joe Gunter

"Every good and nobel idea will be preverted by special interest until it no longer resembles the original idea nor accomplishes the intended goal." Boucher's law of cenceptual retrograde.

A wrinkle in time

OK...I have an assignment for all of you bloggers out there!

Are you ready? Here goes.......

If you had the chance...Taking all of the wisdom you gained as an adult...What moment in your life would you re-live?

For me it would probably be high school. I think I would go back with an entirely different attitude. I know I would probably talk to more girls. But then again, I haven't figured women out yet so why would that be different. I would stand up for myself when I got in trouble for my part in writing and distributing "The probing pinky preview", the legendary underground newspaper at my high school. All in all it was a good creative writing project. Besides Mr. Plotts look at me now. I"M A BLOGGER! I HAVE MY OWN BLOG WHERE I CAN SAY ANYTHING THAT I WANT.
I would definitely tell my friends to straighten up their act. But thinking about that I don't think it would make a difference. I would have tried harder with my academics, and spent more time studying. But really everything I needed to know about my career and life I either learned from my parents or inmates. Relationships and friendships I probably would not change because they are what made me the mentally functioning person I am today.
Looking back on it I there are some things that I would have changed. But the bottom line is I would have listened to my parent more, and made better decisions. But with the decisions I've made fate has brought me to the this moment in time. John Bytheway once said that life is like a football game. John may be right in his analogy. But I think life is like those choose your own adventure books we used to read in school. With every decision there is a path. It maybe good, it may be bad. But at least we are on the path.


Joe Gunter

"In relationships if each of you were the same, one of you would be unnecessary." Dave Ramsey.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Six quirks

My mother challenged me to write about my six quirks. I like being the guy who silently laughs when something funny is said, and others have a cranial rectal inversion. I don't really like turning the finger and examining myself. Funny thing is I often do. I am my own critic. So here goes. I will try to be as brutally honest as I can, and try not to rant!

Quirk #6- I hate sanctioned incompetence! Ok...This is probably a little to serious and ranty like. But I was always taught that if you work hard and are dedicated to your job that good things will happen to you. What I should have been taught was..."Hey, work hard millions on welfare are depending on you!". Or..."Work hard, your co-workers need a 30 minute smoke break and then want to come in an complain about how they never have enough time in the day to get their work done." Ok it is a little ranty. But it is a quirk. Heaven help me when I start supervising staff come January 1st.

Quirk #5 - I think what is called "country music" is a crock! The bottom line is this crap is pop music. It is designed by lawyers and corperations to make money. Although Garth Brooks first album was awesome I personally feel that he ruined country music for me. Then to sound like he is more "country" he mentions Chris Ledoux in one of his songs. Then that makes him bona fided country. But what do I know. I was sporting a mullet back then.

Quirk # 4 - I rant. I just do it personally, and internally. Sometimes it is out loud and often to the wrong people. But I rant. I admit it.

Quirk #3 - I like music. I am an avid collector of rare songs and sometimes instruments (thanks for the banjo mom and dad!). I think I always have music on somewhere. If I am in a situation where I can not have music on I have a constant song going in my head. Most often it is an annoying song and I want it to leave, but it is a song just the same. I call it the sound track of my life.

Quirk #2 - Really my only true friends are my siblings and my wife. Although I like to think of myself as a social person I don't have buddies that I hang around with and call on the phone. Some may find this odd, but I am OK with it. I am a father and a husband. I don't have time for hommies. This annoys my wife sometimes. She always tells me to go out a do something with my friends. But, I would rather do stuff with her. She is a riot. If you have ever met her you'd swear she would change your life.

Quirk #1 - Because I work in a prison and have in my own right become institutionalized I have a lot of annoying habits. For instance, I count everything. When we go to Wal-Mart my wife would ask me how many people are in the store. With in twenty minutes I would have a some what accurate count. On any given day we have exactly twelve forks, ten table knives, and ten spoons in our drawer. Another annoying habit is I always know where the exits are. When I am in public I am always thinking about "what-if" scenarios. What if a gun man comes in here and starts shooting? OK Joe you are going to make sure your family has exited the door on the right and are safely in the car. Then you are going to go back in the store and make sure everybody else is safe. Another annoying quirk...I hate to have my back to large groups of people, doors, or windows when I am in public.
Call it OCD, call it weird. I seem so normal. But over the years I have learned to control it when I am around my family and friends. I think it is because I know that I am in a safe zone.

OK...Quirk #1 - I'm a quirky dude! Aren't we all. That make us individuals. If we were all the same a lot of us would be unnecessary.